When your spouse gets the news that there’s a possibility of a large relocation, you’re often presented with one of two options. Follow them to their new city, state, or country; or stay put and allow them to have their adventure. The choice that you make as the spouse often depends on what other factors are important for you in your combined lives. Many find that staying put is a more viable solution, while others follow their expat spouse on their journey.
Why would you consider following your soon-to-be expat spouse to another location, even if it meant a large-scale relocation for you too?
What is your priority?
Depending on when in your lives this decision hits you, you will have particular priorities in your life.
Your priorities could be;
- your own career,
- a specific community,
- a volunteering goal,
- or your children’s education.
If you choose to follow your spouse, it could be because you want to stay physically close. You may be in a position where the most important thing to you at the time is proximity with each other and staying together. This doesn’t necessarily mean that couples who don’t do this don’t love each other as much. Many wives choose not to follow their husbands, and even more husbands choose to not follow their wives. If you’d like to read more about why husbands don’t always follow their expat spouse, follow this link here.
The choice to keep the unit together, no matter how hard, means that anything afterwards, like relocating children or finding an income, comes second.
Wanting to see your spouse succeed
Often an expatriate role leads to better and more opportunities for your spouse in the future. It could be a way for them to move vertically up in their corporate rank. It could also be a way to laterally improve their opportunities. Time spent in another location opens one up to different communities, different industries, and different ways of doing things. All these create a much more well rounded but also specialised professional. You as a couple might have come to a certain agreement. Your spouse’s success in this area is something you want to see come to fruition. It might mean sacrificing months or years of your own progression to allow them to reach theirs.
‘Supporting your spouse and experiencing other cities or cultures can benefit you in ways you couldn’t really expect’.
An open mind and love of new things
Whether you choose not to follow your expat spouse or not. Both of these decisions require an open mind. Keeping an open mind will mean you might be better prepared for when things don’t go your way. You can focus more on making the best of the situation rather than worrying about things that have already happened. You are probably the kind of person who identifies new opportunities in spite of what’s going on around you.
Making the commitment to follow you expat spouse on a posting is a big jump. There are many things we can do to prepare ourselves for such a jump into the unknown. If you’d like some practical tips, check out my article here.
If you weren’t already getting this as a couple, whatever your decision is, you will probably get a lot of people telling you what to do. Giving their opinions, no matter how incorrect or unsolicited, is something people love to do. Being an expatriate couple adds another layer of complexity to this issue. If you’d like to read a husband’s perspective, check out my post here.
Keep an open mind when it comes to the influx of expectations and advice that you will receive from friends and family. Moving might mean leaving your home city, but if you are someone who likes to experience new things, you might consider the move to a new city an opportunity for growth.
An opportunity to facilitate your own change
Things like this are never really done in an exchange or on some kind of barter system. If I follow my expat spouse now maybe I will be able to do my own thing next year. It doesn’t work like that.
However, there are some flexibilities that following your spouse offers, depending on the role, of course.
- You may be entitled to spouse payment,
- your children’s schooling might be catered for,
- or your company might have a residence allotted for expat workers.
Do you have a bucket list of things that you’ve never really been able to tackle? Such a move might give you the opportunity to finally start ticking those things off your list. If you’re at the stage where that list is looking a bit daunting and incomplete, check out this article here about being a late bloomer and making the most out of your next best day; today.
Perhaps there was something that you always needed to do but never could, due to various other commitments. Are there certain skills you wish you could learn? Check out this list of important skills for all expat spouses!
Following your spouse can potentially remove you from those commitments and give you the time that you needed to facilitate your own change. This could be a professional change or a personal one. When I was speaking about it to people I trusted, they would often say; ‘Supporting your spouse and experiencing other cities or cultures can benefit you in ways you couldn’t really expect’.
The move to follow a spouse for their own career journey is something that not everyone can agree to nor has the ability to follow through on. If it is something you are considering, have a look at these ideas and see if they fit your current situation and your personality. It is a rewarding experience for those who are able to adjust to the change.
