Your significant other is many things. They are someone you can confide in, someone who you feel safe to express your feelings to. The person you want to be romantically involved with is so many things. Are they always a good language tutor? We’ll cover that shortly.

Nowadays, with the internet and ease of travel, it’s very possible that your significant other could be from a different cultural and linguistic background to your own. If you are reading this article, you might be looking for some tips on how to learn their language. Perhaps you want to earn some brownie points with their parents, you are looking to ease communication, or you simply want to impress them.

Either way, hopefully this article will shed some light on how to learn a language with your significant other.

They are a romantic and life partner, not a language teacher.

So, you need to learn French. And guess what, your significant other also speak French.

Why not ask them for some lessons? What better opportunity do you have to learn a language with a native speaker than right in your own house?

Seems perfect, right? Well, you might want to rethink your plan to fluency first.

Viewing your significant other as a language tutor is slightly different and can be very problematic; especially if you are a beginner.

While they may love your enthusiasm and share some words with you, you shouldn’t expect your significant other to sit with you for the hours it takes to learn a language. Because let’s not forget, it takes many thousands of hours to learn a language. Possibly longer than some romantic relationships.

People do their best communication when speaking through a common language. If you’re a Romanian native, your partner is Turkish but you both speak English fluently; it will be easier to both speak in English rather than A1 levels of each other’s languages.

If all you know are the numbers and ‘How much is this?’ you might want to save that dialogue for when you go to the supermarket. Trying to speak with your partner as a beginner can quickly become mentally tiring, as both of you will already be used to communicating in a certain language and at a certain speed.

The Polyglot Olly Richards’ advice is to ‘keep your language learning outside the home’. The video below discusses taking responsibility for your own progress and not putting it on your friends or significant other. If we are already used to speaking with them in English, it will take a monumental effort to get to the point where you are ready to speak to them in their own language. You will need to be as good at their language as they are at English.

It isn’t really fair to assume your significant other will be happy to give you free lessons and act like a dictionary.

So then, how can we learn a language together?

There is definitely nothing wrong with trying to learn a language with your significant other. And if it is a language that helps with connecting to each others’ cultures, then all the better.

Here are a few basic tips and strategies that might help you create a language learning routine that you can share with your significant other.

Get a grip on the basics

So you still want to speak with your Korean partner in their own language. How can you finally get to that level and not annoy them? Every journey begins with an initial step forward, so mastering the basics of your target language should be your first priority. This can be either with your significant other, a paid teacher, or even a language exchange buddy.

Learn how to express basic phrases in your target language. Start with words or phrases that will help around the house as well as stuff that you say on a day to day basis.

Some suggestions might be; how to say “yes” or “no”, complements, numbers, or simple responses. Everyone’s language learning schedule will look different depending on what is important to them. And since communicating with your lover is your main goal, then you should start from zero with that in mind.

Start dropping words in

You will really be able to supercharge your language learning by increasing your vocabulary. Start with household items and small basic day verbs. Simple phrases like ‘Darling can you pass the…’ or ‘I would like to…’ can be swapped with words from your target language.

You will slowly move from speaking your base language to an odd mix of that and your target language. It can sound a bit jarring and might get some laughs from your partner or their family, but this can create a fun and positive environment. This is a really comfortable place to be at and it will keep you motivated to increase your vocabulary and your bank of phrases.

Many couples are able to achieve this level. Things like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are easy to substitute into your conversation in any language. Don’t forget that in most modern contexts, the youth and people from the main cities often speak hybrid versions of their own language.

Many dialects of Arabic mix words with French, while a lot of South-East Asian languages blend with English. If you speak a mix of languages like this, you might already be sounding more native than you thought. Keep it up!

The hard part is moving out of this phase and moving to speaking the language 100%. But if you want to continue down this line you should have a good stepping block to do so, and best of luck with it!

Make movies a thing

Is movie night a big thing with you as a couple? What about sharing music or watching performing arts? Ask your significant other if are any acts or movies from their country that you should be watching. Make time to watch these and passively learn the language as well as absorb the culture.

Another great way to learn about your partner’s culture is through food. If you would like to read about the link between culture and food, check out this post!

At the beginner stage, movies and music really only benefit you by exposing you to the sounds of a language. There will be too many unknowns for the language to be truly comprehensible. For more of my thoughts on comprehensible input, check out my article here.

You might still be able to learn the intonations or some cultural phrases that you won’t find in textbooks. However mostly, the language will be moving too fast. Don’t get discouraged though! Remember the content is probably designed with native speakers in mind and not you.

Slowly as you become more fluent and capable in your target language you can begin to learn from these sources. Be warned though, it requires more effort than just listening and watching. You will need to create a diary or logbook of phrases or signs that frequently occur in your chosen media.

Of course, you’ll need to revise that list regularly, if not daily! Eventually, you might find that you don’t need subtitles in your own language anymore and you can benefit from subtitles in the original language. Imagine the look on your partner’s face when you finally put the original language subtitles on!

Find other speaking partners

As mentioned before, you can’t rely on your partner alone to help you on your language journey. Just like taking a class, it shouldn’t be your only connection with the language. You need to put extra hours in on your own. Find other people, even pay them, who will take the time to sit down with you, speak, and level you up in your language. 

Language exchange partners will expect to hold your hand through a conversation. They know that it will take you a long time to iterate want you want to say. They will be patient enough to do it with you, without the fear of ruining your relationship with them. This is what your relationship with exchange partners is based on.

Sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet and pay for a teacher. The payment is compensation for the time and effort they put into a language exchange with you. One of the best experiences I have had finding tutors and 1-on-1 teachers is with the website italki. It has become one of the biggest names in language learning and for good reason. I have found that once I started using italki with Turkish, I was able to ask those questions I could not in class, and I was able to progress at a pace that was right for me.

If you would like a special deal to start scheduling lessons on italki right now, you can follow this link. Schedule those lessons, then come back and surprise your significant other with just how far you’ve progressed!

Set a time

Once you get to a level where you can string sentences together, go back to your partner; as long as they’re not tired of your horrible language skills! Arrange a time, maybe in the morning, or before you go to bed, where you speak only in that language and stick to it!

It doesn’t need to be a long time. Even 10 minutes in just your target language will greatly help your conversation skills. It will also help you two mentally allocate time to speaking in your target language. You may also find that you develop a sort of code to talk about difficult topics. Check out my article here, where I talk about some topics that are hard to discuss for multilingual couples.

Dedicating time like this helps both of you become mentally aware of the fact that it’s time to speak in a different language. This conscious effort will eventually help speaking your target language naturally flow into your everyday lives.

Remember that there has to be some element of conscious effort when it comes to learning another language. You can’t expect to subconsciously absorb a language from listening to your significant other speak with their parents. You also can’t expect them to walk with you every step of the way as you learn their language. They are there with you, however, and if you put in the effort on your own, you will find that learning their language has created a much deeper bond with you and your partner.

Can my partner and I learn a different language together?

Do you and your significant other both want to learn a new language together? It’s totally possible, and it might even be something that brings the two of you together more. Language learning together as a couple could be a fun way to explore your interests and hobbies, while also developing a deep connection with your partner.

Most of the same rules as above apply;

• Go out and join a class or program, together!
• Get a grip on basic grammar and vocab,
• Start using the little you have learnt in your lives immediately. You may even find that you come up with new pet names for each other in your new language.
• Slowly start investing more time and energy into the language and the culture; perhaps by attending various cultural events, and maybe finally by going on a holiday with them.

There are however a few problems that you could run into along this journey. Do the two of you have different learning speeds? Is it clear that one person is more interested in this endeavor than the other? Are you feeling a little flat with your progress, but shy to mention this to your significant other?

For those who wish they could learn a little more with their languages, read my article here. You may find that you are not so far behind in your learning than you initially thought.